What makes me laugh today

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The

chicken wanted CHANGE!



JOHN MC CAIN:

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on
the other side of the road.



HILLARY CLINTON:

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to
cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this
country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then,
this really isn't about me.......


DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road
before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by
not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.



OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just
drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.



GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just
want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle
ground here.



COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...



ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.



JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about
the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain
against it.



NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it
in his eyes and the way he walks.



PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.



MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I
had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.



DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
told.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.



GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.



BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to
the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of
how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.



ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.



BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never
cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.



ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
 the chicken?



BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition
 of chicken?



AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!



COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?



DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?



AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens